The Christmas Virtues
The Christmas Virtues
A Treasury of Conservative Tales for the Holidays
The Christmas season is a minefield of terrors: The family get-togethers with weird uncles, the sloppy office parties, the annoying 10-page Look-at-Us holiday letters—and we haven’t even mentioned the Black Friday mobs and that wretched Alvin and the Chipmunks song that plays every 90 minutes on Pandora, whether you like it or not. Rum-pah-pah-pum.
And don’t forget the PC police lurking around every corner looking to beat the last bits of joy and comradery out of our society. Merry Christmas? Really?
But it doesn’t have to be this way. 'Tis the season to recapture the wonder of Christmas, in our hearts and in our homes and even out in the public square. The Christmas Virtues is a humorous companion for, and guide to, navigating the trials and tribulations of the holiday season. It’s a reminder of how we can embrace the joy, hope, and love of Christmas—of the real Christmas.
And a call for us to stand up for Christmas because America needs it now, more than ever.
So sit back and enjoy the following tales by your favorite authors:
- Rob Long’s "The Christmas Spirit: In Defense of Ebenezer Scrooge.”
- P. J. O’Rourke’s “The Commercialization of Christmas: God Moves (The Merchandise) in a Mysterious Way.”
- Andrew Ferguson’s “Jingle Bell Rock: Taking the Christ Out of Christmas Songs”
- Matt Labash’s “Home for the Holidays: The Trials and Tribulations of Family.”
- Stephen F. Hayes’ "here Comes Santa Claus: The Wonder of Christmas Morning."
- Toby Young’s “The ghosts of Christmas: Holidays Past and Present”
- Jonah Goldberg’s “The War on Christmas: It’s Real, and It’s Spectacular.”
- Christopher Buckley’s “Saint Joseph: The Forgotten ‘Father Christmas.’”
- Kirsten Powers’ “The first Noel: Christmas with Jesus.”
- James Lileks' "Boxing Day and the Christmas Hangover."
- And More
Jonathan Last has provided an entertaining break to the holiday season in The Christmas Virtues: A Treasury of Conservative Tales for the Holidays… . The virtues part of The Christmas Virtues is often subtle, but through the stories and the prose, the reader can find a reminder of what really matters during the holiday season and what kinds of things we should just look past. Fighting the creeping commercialization and secularization of Christmas is the underlying theme of all of the essays, along with the need to come back to the basics of love, charity and the message of the Prince of Peace. We could all do a little better to not take ourselves so seriously during the holidays and focus more on the important parts.’ —Wayne Parker, About Parenting
Here’s the thing. Not everything about the holiday season is wonderful and filled with cheer. We all know that. So, why sugarcoat it all? This all-star cast of writers got together, and rather than a Chicken Soup for the Soul type of book, has put together a compilation that truly hits the nail on the head about the holiday season.’‘P.J. O’Rourke talks about the commercialization of Christmas, Joe Quennan shares his take on the artful tradition of Christmas cards. Matt Labash makes light of the antics of holiday family gatherings. But, don’t expect a bunch of funny, lighthearted stories that will keep you laughing, as some are serious and other will share a perspective you probably have never looked at Christmas from.’
‘I highly, highly recommend! 5 stars!’—Mommy Rantings Blog
This book is sure to be loved by anyone who embodies the season of Christmas – you undoubtedly know a few of these people. These friends and family members can be hard to gift-shop for, but consider this book your solution. Not only will you be giving them a humorous, enjoyable read, but you will be giving them memories and stories to keep them warm for many Christmas seasons to come.’ —Jacqueline Isaacs, Conservative Book Club
Introduction
The Miracle of Christmas / 3
Jonathan V. Last
Chapter 1: The Christmas Spirit
In Defense of Ebenezer Scrooge / 15
Rob Long
Chapter 2: The Commercialization of Christmas
God Moves (the Merchandise) in a Mysterious Way / 23
P. J. O’Rourke
Chapter 3: Season’s Greetings!
Ten Simple Rules for Sending Christmas Cards / 33
Joe Queenan
Chapter 4: Jingle Bell Rock
Taking the Christ Out of Christmas Songs / 45
Andrew Ferguson
Chapter 5: Oh, Tannenbaum
A Tradition Unlike Any Other / 54
Christopher Caldwell
Chapter 6: The Nativity Stories
The Best (and Worst) Christmas Movies Ever / 62
Sonny Bunch
Chapter 7: Home for the Holidays
The Trials and Tribulations of Family / 70
Matt Labash
Chapter 8: Saint Nicholas: Friend or Foe?
A Document Dump from Santa’s Secret Email Server / 83
David “Iowahawk” Burge
Chapter 9: All Good Gifts
Tickle Me Elmo and the Madness of Christmas Toys / 99
Heather Wilhelm
Chapter 10: Here Comes Santa Claus
The Wonder of Christmas Morning / 108
Stephen F. Hayes
Chapter 11: The Ghosts of Christmas
Holidays Past and Present / 117
Toby Young
Chapter 12: The War on Christmas
It’s Real, and It’s Spectacular / 125
Jonah Goldberg
Chapter 13: Jews Who Love Christmas
We All Love Christmas Magic / 135
Larry Miller
Chapter 14: I’m Dreaming of a Jewish Christmas
Celebrating a Day You Don’t Really Share / 146
Joseph Epstein
Chapter 15: The Greatest of These Is Hope
The Impossible Promises of Christmas / 155
Michael Graham
Chapter 16: Saint Joseph
The Forgotten “Father Christmas” / 163
Christopher Buckley
Chapter 17: Mary, Mother of All
The Real Miracles of the Virgin Birth Aren’t What You Think / 171
Mollie Hemingway
Chapter 18: The First Noel
Christmas with Jesus / 180
Kirsten Powers
Chapter 19: The Day After
The Illusion of Returning to Normal / 189
James Lileks
About the Contributors / 199
